Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
We need to rekindle our bromance
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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