You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
