He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Boobs are out for the taking
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
