I love black thongs
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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