capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
