my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
