I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
