Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
