her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Come back. Shots need mouths.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I need a beard to bite.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Randomize
