Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
