Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
