So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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