She's JV to your varsity
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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