I think I died a long time ago.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Randomize
