I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
