I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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