she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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