when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
