If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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