I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
