Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
