Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
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