Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
