So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Randomize
