I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Randomize
