i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
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