What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
and she was petting her beer can
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
