i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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