I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
