i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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