and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
