do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
