Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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