wrigley field is MILF paradise
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
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