I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize
