You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Randomize
