I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
