Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
