Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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