Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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