hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
