Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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