we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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