i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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