whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
i think i scared a bird with my dick
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Sext me about skeletons
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Randomize
