we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
