Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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