its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
