he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Actions speak louder than pants.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
My life is pants optional.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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