I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
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